field observation

the Asian culture is very big on obedience, on appropriate behaviour.
So traditionally, children are expected to:
- be quiet and docile (unless they're boys, then a degree of liveliness is allowed),
- be very polite, with all the social niceties,
- not question or challenge, ever (the latter immediately warrants a direct slap in the face by parents, teachers, or an equivalent by your boss/authority figure),
- not be disruptive or noisy,
- work very hard at school and not to waste time on any frippery activity that doesn't translate to career stability later on.
- and not to display emotional outbursts at any age.
- and, to realise that the world, and life itself, is a fearful fearful place; where only the foolish do not develop and cherish fears, as they often come true.

The parenting methods are mostly disapproval, either a quiet one (especially if you're not actually the parent; projected towards those children and their negligent parents); or a throaty sound of warning. Also, scolding and nagging, and occasionally a loving and angry smacking (haha).
And lots of praise and guidance (ie being told exactly what to do, and continually assessed).

This is the old-school, of course, but generally, we're the first generation out of the ranks of this (ie we were raised this way, and are basically the first adults that might decide that we might want something different for our own children).

I also realise that as first/second generation migrants, we have the luxury of making these choices anyway where previous generations did not... so a quick aside of gratitude and recognition.

Still, not many of us make the leap. Most asian couples i know maintain these standards / parameters, changing only to remove (sometimes) physical (ie violent) forms of punishment, and toning down the fearful-factor a bit.
Certainly DH and i have hurled ourselves right out of the asian solar system.

I thought all this might be interesting to mention, because DH and i still live in the asian subculture, and we often get this vibe from members of my family, friends, and in public.
Which actually, might explain my barrage of uncertainty. I'm a pioneer! (well, really, in a way, i am actually); with travelmates who are more familiar with this way, but myself being new to this land.

we went to a singapore festival today at the sidney myer music bowl, and it was just interesting to observe a million (or whatever) young singaporeans in one place. a lot fo young children too, as a bonus.

for instance, every time a child lurched 2m from his parents (in a gigantic fenced field), a passerby would literally hurl forward with arms making straight barriers, out of genuine concern.
and every kid strapped into a pram firmly, even the ones who clearly could walk.
and just the orderliness.... no children running around, all quietly hovering around their parents' picnic mats.

anyway, we were with asian friends with toddlers, and on our way back DH and i observed that, sweet and quiet as they were, they just didn't have that sparkiness that dandan and other children have in their eyes..
the thing is that; we could see in their eyes a wary worriedness, even at the age of 1 and a bit, the constant questions there of "Is this alright, what i'm doing/how i'm being, now? What about now, is this alright?"

i just love than dandan's eyes had no trace of that. Sureness all the way baby, even if the thing he was sure about sometimes made me tired (like wanting mommy, or to feed her soup, or for boob again).

This is one of those things that makes us feel we're basically doing the right thing, a signpost on a overgrown track.