today i bought

.. maternity jeans!

and no, i'm not pregnant (more on that later)..

i seem to be on a theme here of shopping-confessions of some sort. well heck, if it's what's going on right now..

anyway.. i bought maternity jeans today.
they're black denim, skinny leg; make my bum look a bit flat (it is, very), but my calves look skinny (they are)... so they're really just ok as a clothing item.

and why? because they're comfy, of course.
i always think the big deficit in my wardrobe is that i don't wear jeans. almost anytime i see someone and think - ooh i'd love to look like that, how cute (they can be male* or female**, that's how i am), they're often in jeans.

and i have some normal ones, but i don't wear them much, cos - they keep slipping and i have to hoick them up with a big jump in the air (i don't see anyone else doing this so i don't know what's wrong with me), and then, when i sit they're too tight and dig into my gut which makes me crabby after a while.

so of course the logical answer, is maternity jeans with their high and deliciously stretchy waistband. it makes so much sense i'm surprised not more people do it. (this thought makes me worry that i lack a certain key something in the way i think).

the sales assistant asked me when i was due. so of course i had to lie and say "next year". i quickly and surreptitiously did the math on my fingers in case she asked which month (i would have said february, i decided as i left the store).

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*if i were a man, i know exactly what i'd want to look like. it'd be this guy i once dated briefly but thought was so incredibly cool, a supercilious and trendy and funny and clever and arrogant art director. (i generally always am attracted to arrogant self-centered clever men, except the one i actually married)

i'd wear red-on-black hightop Cons, distressed jeans, lots of cool bangle bracelet things and wacky watches, funny vintagey Ts, vintagey jackets, and punky knitted scarves; and carry a guitar on my back everywhere i went.

**if i can look like any sort of woman, i'd have white blonde hair, or even snowy white hair, and be very pale, and quite thin and flat chested. i'd only wear white or silver or shades of pale green, loads of colourful makeup or none at all, and never a bra.
sometimes i'd backcomb my hair into a big diaphanous cloud.
sometimes i would put in a million little braids, and colour a few of them all different colours.
mostly i would keep it very long and straight and flat, like a shiny sheet hanging down to my tiny pert bum.
i don't know why i fantasise about looking like a doll..