our re-zenification

i was a working mum all of last week.. i actually kinda enjoyed the work part, except that it meant i saw so little of him. i missed him greatly, and was very glad it was just for one week..

But the first few days back into our normal routine was hard.. Whenever something becomes optional, it instantly becomes much harder than otherwise.. just cos when things get rough (in our case it's whininess or general difficulty getting anything done, duh on me for even trying), you immediately find yourself thinking "arghhh.... maybe i could send him to grandma's.. I don't have to be doing this".
Without the option of checking out, you instantly try to find ways to make it better, better approaches, better attitudes. You start the day with a determination to enjoy it no matter what happens.

Anyway we found our groove again (ie motherhood zen..).
Yesterday was fantastic..
We went to the toy library and filled up on bulky and expensive toys which we'd never have bought ourselves (they're toys with a short shelf-life of high enjoyment, but take up half your living room and are $200 of plastic). Then dan napped in the car while we parked by the river; i knitted and watched mothers and their babies at the cafe.

Then we walked by the river - the aforementioned duck play, playing with leaves and twigs and talking to trees (which i love him doing and have actively encouraged and modelled; i want him to become a tree hugging hippie) and even finding a fat green caterpillar, so picturesque it could have crawled right off the pages of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" (which i can recite verbatim now, try me anytime).

Then we found a great big wooden playground. dan's still so non-independent; he wants to literally hold my hand for everything; walking on the ground, climbing little stairs, crossing a bridge.
i feel so mean-mommy for frequently extricating my hand from his little soft paw, and saying "dandan can walk by himself" (i picture him looking up at me and saying "how come you never want to hold my hand, mummy?").
because i secretly love holding his fat soft warm little paw; and i secretly prefer seeing him walk up and down steps like an adult because i'm holding his hand, than having to wait while he dirties his woolly pants sitting and shuffling down dirt steps.

forget everytime i've complained about him. i just crazy love him to bitses..