what happens after the kids grow up?

..fulfilment, identity, purpose..

this has been on my mind alot recently
it's about life achievements, or why you would/wouldn't pursue a career while mothering, that sort of thing.

i'm surrounded by all these external voices pushing me toward working motherhood, where my children's grandmothers would raise them, while i went out and climbed the career ladder, and earned achievements and self-respect, and the respect of my husband. :|

from my dad, who raised me to be a career woman. and who always looked down on (and blamed the failure of their marriage on) my mum for not having career or educational achievements (even though she did work out of home) and therefore wasn't an equal or a fit partner.

and from my mum, who because of this, keeps telling me that my husband similarly will not respect me if i didn't have a career.
and who says things like - "when your children grow up and leave, you won't have anything".

and from all my friends (mostly childless) who keep asking me questions that drive me mad, such as "so what do you do these days?", and going on about how great that i'm still studying (i'm still enrolled in law from before pg, doing a single unit at a time, but not really into it), as if that's the only valid work i currently have.

myself, i love parenting, and it seems like one of the greatest ways to contribute to the world by parenting thoughtfully and gently.
i strongly feel that this will provide fulfilment, identity, and purpose; that this will fully meet and answer the "who am i? what am i about? what was the point of my life?" angst; even after the children are grown and flown.
plus, it seems to me, (to put it in work terms) that just because a project has a finite end-date doesn't mean it's not worth doing well.

and my husband reassures me that we are getting by financially, and thus he is more than happy for me to parent at home, and he would continue to respect me, etc.

but i do wonder if there's any truth to those other doubts.

does a woman need to have more to her life than just her children? (the answer seems to be of course, yes, and SAHMs can/should find those too.. but does that tend to work out that way?)
where do the levels of fulfilment/identity/purpose tend to be at, throughout your parenting life?

and what does actually happen after the children are grown? are you left with the "well, what now?" feeling, or even worse finding that you're hollowed and useless for anything else? do you find new work/direction after they're grown, or do you try to incorporate manageable snippets of non-parenting work/interests into your life from the time your children are little, so you can segue seamlessly into an empty nest life when that comes?

or there's the option my mum would present - that a child can be raised just as well by grandparents during work hours, while you went out and did your career thing, then everyone would win.
but i can't help but think that that can't be true. surely?

okay, there's most of it i think. i'm conscious that there should be about a hundred quotation marks around so many things which seem ridiculous and cliched and gauche; pardon me; but i think you get what i mean..

NB: previously posted elsewhere